“Thank you for your interest in ________. After much consideration we have decided not move forward with you as a candidate.”
I opened my email and there it was, in black and white. I had been rejected again.
The familiar nausea set in, my stomach dropped and tears streamed down my face. Have you ever wanted something so bad that it causes you physical pain when it falls apart? That has been my reality for the last three years and it’s actually why I started this blog. Writing is essentially the way I stay sane these days. Outside of that I am interviewing, desperately trying to get out of a toxic work environment. It may sound crazy but I am determined not to quit. In fact, the one time I did consider quitting I had my letter of resignation in hand and God literally stopped me from submitting it. I guess that’s a story for another time though. The best part of all of this, I need to be back in my cubicle in about five minutes!
I bet you can imagine the choice thoughts that ran through my head for a moment this morning. It’s hard. It’s really hard to feel like our good good Father is silent. Why isn’t He opening a door? Even better, why does He keep closing all the doors that I find? I do trust His plan I just don’t understand why He would call me to stay in such a valley. It has been a torturously long season and days like today remind me that I am not in control of when and how it ends. Maybe you are in one of those too?
I may not know what you are believing for today but I do know that choosing faith is painful sometimes, especially when all you can see is rejection. I think a big reason for that is because it comes down to letting go of our plans again, trusting the God we can’t see to work it out for us. We may not have answers to our questions right now but I do know that Jesus is here in the valley with us. He always has been and always will be. Deep down we can trust that He knows best, even if we can’t begin to understand the circumstances.
When the reality of rejection sets in I need Jesus, community, and Garth Brooks. Tell me you know the song “Unanswered Prayers”?! It really is a comfort for me on days like today. It reminds me of all the times God has reached down and lovingly saved me from myself. Many of my wayward desires that I pleaded with him to meet are ridiculous in hindsight. Jobs, men, friendships, travel plans, you name it, I probably prayed (let’s be real cried) about it. He has been faithful to block those things that I thought I wanted in my past and I know He will be again. Garth helps remind me of that.
Because of those experiences I can have confidence today that although my heart is broken I trust that the job wasn’t right. If it was, I would have it, God would have opened the door. Do you know what the enemy would love? Nothing could make him happier than us turning our back, doubting God’s goodness and provision. It was his first lie in the Bible. He made Eve think that God was holding out on her. While I may feel that way I know that’s not true, I know those are the enemies lies trying to keep me from pressing on toward God’s best.
So today I am grateful. I am grateful that God’s faithfulness in the past shows me that He will again lead us into something better than we could even imagine. I am so glad that we can choose to trust His promises over the rejection that we so often feel in this life. After all, if He is for us, who could even try to be against us?
Thank you Jesus that despite all of the emotion tied to our trials we can rest in remembering that You are always faithful. Thank you that you are fighting for your daughters today, opening doors and preparing positions, relationships and incredible blessings for us to walk into.